Let's get personal

∼February 26, 2015∼

We're all grown so forgive me for any words which will make you look upon me negatively.
So ya'll know: I love most things in life! 

I love my family, my friends, my girls, the boys and yes, the boys.. 
I am all about the positive things in life! 

Lately tho. I have been catching myself adapting new behaviors. 

I remember when I was 19, I was writing to this guy. I was so nervous. I never wrote to anyone in a way which was flirty or more than friendly so this was new for me. I was nervous and it took me literally four hours to reply a text. Eventually I said that I didn't want to continue because he was just bad news as he just wanted to fool around. I respected that and moved on. No broken or hard feelings.

But believe it or not. Those little moments toughened my heart. Next time; replying to guys was easy. I knew what to write, what not to write, what to do, what to say, how to move, how to look. All these little details which will make you think of me in a certain way or have me linger in your mind.

You might say; how'd you know that it has that effect on the guys? Oh well, I mean.. I only do the things which I like. Things I enjoyed. So why would guys feel and be any different?

In the way I think, I am very much like a guy. I am very simple minded and much driven by love and lust. Also I am straightforward and you can tell when I like something. That's very much like some guys who likes to hit on sweet girls. So I do the same.

I hate to admit it tho because of that one guy and the other ones afterwards - it did change me. Like re-wind a year and half back and you can tell I am not the same girl as I used to be. I am still the girl you can count on, but lots of things changed for me this year. Especially when you're in your 20-something and you meet different kinds of people.

Sometimes I get sort of surprised by how far I have moved.
I learned lot of things. Like getting what I want. Not giving a shit what people think of me.

To me, it's sort of a negative thing that I learned all these things which can deceive people, but then I look at it positively. The tricks I learn is to prevent me from getting tricked and played and I only use it on those kind of people. I did learn some tricks from good people too so that's also very good. It's very different what you learn from females and males.  

I mean honestly; I'd rather have the control than being played.

Don't get offended when I don't reply you or write to you. Don't get too personal if you ain't my boyfriend. Don't expect me to do anything for you if you don't do anything yourself. Don't expect me to not give you mixed signals when you do. Don't expect me to be your girl when you are out with other girl. Don't try anything with me if you're already committed. Seriously tho. Be a good boy and just do as you're told. I can do whatever I want because you don't like me in that way - in that let's be bf/gf-kind of way so I can do whatever I want. Don't try to make me feel like we have that kind of vibe because I ain't in it for that.

I might be young and inexperienced, but trust me - I am a fast learner so you betta not mess with me.
Unless you're in it for the long run. <3 then come try. I'll play the same game. Real fast.

But really tho.
Playing hearts ain't the easiest games, but I sure learned the tricks of the trades. 
And for that, I thank you. .

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