these boys ain't loyal

∼October 14, 2014∼

I keep hitting lows with men. I must be so lucky because it never seems to happen to other people.

One moment I am having a great time. I am being me, doing me and just minding my own business like any normal girl and the next I am in a roller-coaster. Right now I am sort of depressed because it feels like I am running into these fucking losers all the fucking time. I am just meeting shit on shit on shit. Sorry for the language, but that's just how I feel right now.

Lately I have been feeling very low because I don't think I attract the right guys. I think I send the wrong signals to people. Maybe unknowingly or indirectly because I keep attract guys who are just so bad for me. Guys who only wants to have sex and it's just not me. UNDERSTAND THAT I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY TIME SCREWING AROUND. 

Of course I feel sad because I don't want people to think of me in that way. I don't want to be that kind of girl. Nothing against girls who are comfortable with casual relationships, but I realize that I just can't be in one. I am way too possessive and I get way too jealous so it will never work. I can't have a guy who has many girls. I just can't. 

I don't know what I am doing wrong. Maybe I am wearing the wrong clothes? Maybe I am looking in a certain way which could be misunderstood. Maybe I am just not the kind of girl you'd think to wife up? Maybe, maybe, maybe.. I don't know.. I'm sad really..

So the other day a guy poked on Facebook(which is weird in itself.. because really? Who uses pokes these days?). I click into his profile and this guy is newly engaged? I am in shock. I think maybe he mis-clicked, but in my mind I was like: how the fuck do you mis-click? but I was willingly to give him the benefit of the doubt so I basically ignored it. Then the next day, a guy introduces me to that exact guy. Apparently I have met the guy before because he was training with the same guy who introduced us. I am just dumbfounded. I asked him if he was the person who poked me on FB and he answered yes. I was sincerely hoping it would be followed with: oh, it was a mistake. But he didn't say that. He just looked me dead in the eyes and said yes. The guy who introduced us, I guess we're sort of seeing each other, but not really. I sense that he might have said something to this guy which has made him think that I am like the slut of the town or some other absolute bollocks because why would he suddenly introduce me to his friend? Like wtf is going on here.

So I greet the guy and I shake his hand and he tells me his name and I am just looking at him very odd because I wasn't sure if it was the same guy who poked me. After shaking his hand, I am like confused and I just want to get the hell out of there. The other guy is like: uhm, why don't you tell him what your name too? And I stutter a "Oh, I am Sally." But in my mind, I am thinking: HE ALREADY FUCKING KNOWS. SO WHY THE HELL WOULD I TELL HIM. BECAUSE DUDE ALREADY KNOWS MY NAME. 

I go from the gym and I text the guy I know: "Seriously, don't text me again." I refuse to be some girl which gets tossed around. He ask me: what do you mean? And I tell him what's up and he says he didn't say anything to his friend about me except that I am from another city and I am just visiting. Yeah, fucking right. Guys are like the new bitches of this centuries. They gossip way worse than girls. I know that. They can be downright braggedy.

I don't know. I just have a bad taste in my mouth. The guy, with the fiance, proceeds to write to me on Facebook "you cute" and that's downright fucking gross. I hate people who cheat. I hate people who aren't loyal. How hard can it be to stick to ONE person!? Poor fiance. She really hit jackpot with this asshole.

I didn't respond him as I don't want angry people after me anyways. #keepingitdramafree
Who knows. His fiance might whoop my ass. Never mess with people in relationships. I can't imagine anything good out of it.

Bottom line is: I am saddened that it confirms my thoughts about attracting the wrong attention and the wrong men. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. I want to attract nice and most importantly - single guys. Never thought that I would emphasize that, but I will do it.

Some men are fucking pigs.

On a lighter note. I am having my first date on Saturday which I am looking forward to. 
Finally someone who asks me out on a proper dinner! So I will try to look my best and behave like a proper lady ;-) LOOOOOL. actually it's a date with a friend? 99% sure it's just a friend, but you never know after a date? I will keep my mind open for new things!

And have a great Autumn holiday.

#peaceout <3

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