enjoy the days that pass

∼May 29, 2014∼


They say: "What do you feel like doing? What do you want? I mean.. Just do whatever YOU want to", but how do you know exactly what you want? Nothing is ever that simple to just *do* whatever you want. Is life that simple?

Ever felt something was *so* right in the moment, but ended up being *so* wrong? I have. My mistake would be thinking I know myself too well. Ever said these words: "I know myself and that's how I am"? 
But then you realize you actually don't know shit.

We think we know ourselves all too well, but in reality we don't. It's a fact. Why else do you see people doing things, they swore they would never do? We are always rushing to see what's around us and we're so caught up with 'fitting in' that we forget about the soul that's keeping us from crumbling. The soul which is holding our existence together. What we fail to see, is that we're indeed imperfect. For the longest period of time I felt like I knew myself too well. Or rather I *already* knew myself too well. In my mind; knowing myself was one of my biggest advantage and joy in life, but I was mistaken. I thought I didn't need to know more, but that's where I am gravely mistaken. I got to know it first-hand when I started interacting with different people; when I started engaging in different situations; when I was thrown out of my little safety zone and believe me - I realized VERY quickly that I didn't know myself well enough. It's limited how well you know oneself when you don't have enough experience with different kinds of people. There is no such thing as knowing yourself too well or you're done learning who you are. 

Life is an endless journey, they say. I'd rather say that getting to know yourself; that is the true journey of life.
Can you say that you were the same person as you were a year ago? or even a day ago?

Sometimes I do feel sad when I am confused about myself. To lose something you thought you had in your hands and just watch it slip through your fingertips; that is rather saddening for me because it was one of the things which made me feel secure in my own skin. How can you expect know who another person is if you don't even know who you are. Sometimes I almost feel like I am putting on a facade when I meet new people. I am trying to look inwards to see what's hiding behind all these layers of myself and I ask myself why am I the way I am. Why do I act like this when I am with this person; why do I get happy when I see this person; why do I react in the ways I do? Nothing is ever coincidental and nothing ever appears out of thin air. I believe in reasons and causes.

We're so imperfect as human beings and we need to accept that. Take the challenge of being imperfect despite wanting to be as perfect as possible. No one can be perfect all the time. It's exhausting. Why won't we just accept the imperfections and try to work with it?

While I am in rough times in my life, I make it a habit to think "we're only human" and tomorrow is a new day.
Inhale and exhale and just let your thoughts flow because you're already an inch closer to your journey when you accept that we are on a long ass journey. Life itself is not the only journey.

I get an adrenalin rush just thinking about the days that are ahead of me. I look forward to the new days with new impressions. I feel that everybody should do that too. Don't just go through the days waiting for something to appear because things don't just appear in front of you like that. There is always happening something so be aware of that. It's shouldn't matter much whether it's from the inside or outside - things are happening and that's a positive thing.

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