who's going to marry a girl like me?

∼January 19, 2014∼


Thank god it's weekend, but sadly it's already Sunday.

Start of week: 
My friend from school stayed over this week. She lives far from school and we had loads of obligatory classes so she asked if she could stay at my place (which of course she can!)

Next week she will be staying from Monday and then the week after I have my written assignment. I am a busy girl eh? The weekend was much needed & much appreciated. I have lost sleep and I haven't been working either because of my friend.
Needless to say: I had some catching up to do.

Now that I live alone, I rarely invite people over (unless they come to visit me). I'd rather visit people because I don't service people at my house. The only food I have is noodles and I certainly don't cook. Luckily my friend doesn't eat a lot, but I felt bad for her. I told her to pretend she's home; pretend she's at her own place which is what I prefer.

In all honesty though, I love spending time with friends.
There is just one thing: My home is a private space I'd love to keep for myself. It's a place where I can draw my energy and I can focus on myself. I draw energy from being alone with my thoughts. I can't keep up with myself when I spend time with others: it's exhausting for me, but I love my friends thus I open up my private space. When I consider you as my friend and I know you don't mind doing absolutely nothing with me; you're welcome to stay at my place. If I invite you over; I must feel very comfortable with you.

I am the type of person who wouldn't bat an eyelash if you started cooking/cleaning/whatever in my house.
When we're friends, my home is certainly your home.

Friday:
I had meeting at the gym. It was fun and semi-awkward because he was really sweet. It's making me feel bad and I probably need to stop mingling with people at the gym. It's like you can't make friends at this point of age. He says he wants to spend more time with me, but I want to spend more time on myself like working out. Unless I have a boyfriend or I start working at the fitness-joint, I will not communicate with people at the gym. Actually I rarely communicate at the gym because I am just minding my own business. Anyways - making friends is complicated. So yeah, we greeted, talked and it was a goodbye. I had a proper good time with him.

After that I saw a 'Las Vegas' which is a story about friendship and how fast life passes you by.
A movie night was much needed. I love movies and I finally got myself a AppleTV so I can stream all movies/tv-series now!
LOL I am a happy girl.

Saturday:
I caught up on some homework which was about local Anesthesia in the oral cavity. A whole book on how local anesthesia works and how you perform different injection techniques. My friend will be my guinea pig and may I add: she is not looking forward to it LOL. I also watched 'Life of Pi' for the 100th time and then I skyped/msg'ed friends. Lastly I had a Facetime-convo with a dear friend(I consider him as friend; I like him!) who has many silly opinions on many trivial things. He's highly amusing when I think about him. When I talk to him; he's not always pleasant. I rarely agree with him, but I enjoy listening to him. He obviously cares about a lot of things even when he says he doesn't. That's likable, amusing and interesting at the same time. "Am I wrong? Do you disagree or do you agree?" I wonder why he doesn't ask me what my take is. Instead he wants to know if he's right or wrong. Oh well, we talked to late at night and then he fell asleep. I thought he was pretending to be asleep so I rolled over and I fell asleep too.

We talked about many things and one of the topics was religion. He said that religion is bad when it limits you. Religion can limit you, but there are so many other things that limits you. I'd rather think of religion as something that liberates me. It liberates me to know I believe in God; it liberates me to know that I can rely on God when I feel lost. When everything seems dark, I find light through God. I can rely on him therefor He exists. I am not religious, but I keep my heart close to God. When I feel happy, I thank God. I don't have to explain why I believe in God because my religion is solely mine. I am fully aware that I believe in God, but also that I have chosen to believe in Him.

Another topic we strayed upon was "Wedding and kids". He asked me if I wanted to have kids which I replied: "I can't imagine myself with kids so I don't think I want any. If I do get married, I think I would probably want kids, but I am not sure if I will get married as I never imagined myself getting married and having kids." Yes, I must be very complicated because he didn't understand what I was saying. Then we discussed why I thought it was necessary to be married before having kids.

This is my own preference on how it should go down:
1) Find your significant other 2) Move into together 3) Get married 4) Have kids 5) Live happily ever after.

This has nothing to with religion. It's ideal because I can see a red thread. I understand why it's confusing when I say one thing and then contradict myself by saying I can't see myself getting married and I can't imagine myself with kids even though I love kids. If I can't imagine myself with kids then I don't think I will be having any kids. It's just impossible to think so far in the future. I have never been the one to dream of the perfect wedding, but when the right guy comes along then maybe I will start thinking about these things. I am trying to be open-minded while staying true to my preferences. Maybe one day I will start thinking about kids and that means I can imagine myself having my own.

Nothing is set in stone for me because everything changes from day to day. Is it wrong to answer things in such a vague way?

Sunday:
I woke up at 11AM. Tired as hell. It took me a couple of hours to wake up and then I headed out to the gym. Good girl, eh. Now I writing this entry and I am looking at the amusing guy sleeping in our Facetime-convo.
When he isn't talking, he looks adorable. Please stay that way.

Yours Truly 
This week I invite you to be more courageous. Don't pretend you don't care. When you pretend to not care; I interpret it as you're afraid of getting rejected and why should you be afraid?

No comments:

Post a Comment

back to top